Welcome. I’m Kristi.

My friends and family were shocked when my husband Ryan and I announced we were leaving the Seventh-day Adventist church. No one thought we would go. We were the “perfect Adventists.”

Secretly, I’d been questioning for years. I remember feeling so confused and isolated. I didn’t feel safe to ask the hard questions. Even if I found someone who patiently listened, they definitely didn’t understand.

I felt inside like my faith had died. I couldn’t begin to comprehend it myself and certainly nobody else could. After spending a lifetime trying to do “what Jesus wanted” I found myself living more and more of an extreme and isolated life. I had rules about what I could wear, who my friends were, what day to worship on—which was Sabbath, which also came with a litany of rules. I developed extreme anxiety over “being lost” which lead me to perfectionism and religious OCD.

Finally all the mental, emotional, and spiritual turmoil was too much. My mental health collapsed. That’s when I realized something had to give. I was desperate and couldn’t go on functioning in survival mode or worse. But where to go? Any change felt like I was betraying God.

Finally, finally I found a hand to hold. A friend who would listen, that got it. Or at least part of it. I was scared to tell my husband I was deconstructing. But amazingly, he understood.

My hunch is that if you’re deconstructing right now, you're resonating. You probably also feel confused and lonely to a degree.

When you’re asking the hard questions…
When you’re doubting your faith…
When you’re sifting through the pain…

Don’t walk that road alone.